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First aid for failure
Although we have bandages for cuts, chicken soup for colds, and ice packs for bruises, most of us have no idea how to treat day-to-day emotional injuries such as failure, rejection, and loss. But, as Guy Winch, Ph.D., points out, these kinds of emotional injuries often get worse when left untreated and can significantly impact our quality of life. In this fascinating and highly practical book he provides the emotional first aid treatments we have been lacking.
Explaining the long-term fallout that can result from seemingly minor emotional and psychological injuries, Dr. Winch offers concrete, easy-to-use exercises backed up by hard cutting-edge science to aid in recovery. He uses relatable anecdotes about real patients he has treated over the years and often gives us a much needed dose of humor as well.
Prescriptive, programmatic, and unique, this first-aid kit for battered emotions will appeal to readers of Unstuck by James S. Gordon and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff.
- Sales Rank: #396316 in Books
- Published on: 2013-07-25
- Released on: 2013-07-25
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.52" h x 1.00" w x 5.76" l, .95 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 304 pages
Most helpful customer reviews
245 of 248 people found the following review helpful.
First aid for the psyche
By Deb
As a therapist, I'm constantly looking out for helpful resources for clients. This book has quickly been added to my list. It so clearly explores the seven most common--and inevitable, if you're human!--psychological injuries and then provides specific "first aid" treatments for each:
1. Rejection--The emotional cuts and scrapes of daily life
Description:
Rejections can inflict four distinct emotional wounds, each of which might require some from of emotional first aid: lingering visceral pain, anger and aggressive urges, harm to self-esteem, and damage to feeling that we belong. (p. 17)
Treatments:
* Argue with self-criticism
* Revive your self-worth
* Replenish feelings of social connection
* Desensitize yourself
2. Loneliness--Relationship muscle weakens
Description:
Loneliness makes us constantly on guard, prepared for the disappointment and rejection we are sure will come. As a result, we miss opportunities to make social connections and behave in ways that push others away. (p. 53)
Treatments:
* Remove your negatively tinted glasses
* Identify your self-defeating behaviors
* Take on the other person's perspective
* Deepen your emotional bonds
* Create opportunities for social connection
* Adopt a best friend
3. Loss and Trauma--Walking on broken bones
Description:
Loss and trauma create four psychological wounds. They cause overwhelming emotional pain, they undermine our basic sense of identity and the roles we play in life, they destabilize our belief systems and our understanding of the world, and they challenge our ability to remain present and engaged in our most important relationships. (p. 85)
Treatments:
* Soothe your emotional pain your way
* Recover lost aspects of your self
* Find meaning in tragedy
4. Guilt--The poison in our system
Description:
Guilt usually serves an important function by alerting us to when we might have harmed another person or when any actions we're considering might do so. However, if our offense is serious or if we've already made significant efforts to apologize to a person we harmed or atone for our actions in other ways and our guilt remains excessive, or if we suffer from substantial survivor guilt, or separation and disloyalty guilt, emotional first aid is indeed necessary. (p. 119)
Treatments:
* Learn the recipe for an effective apology
* Forgive yourself
* Reengage in life
5. Rumination--Picking at emotional scabs
Description:
In order to break the self-reinforcing nature of ruminative thoughts and allow our wounds to heal, we must interrupt the cycle of rumination once it gets triggered, and we should weaken the urge to ruminate at the source by diminishing the intensity of the feelings that fuel it. We must also make efforts to monitor our relationships and to ease the emotional burden we might be placing on loved ones. (p. 154)
Treatments:
* Change your perspective
* Reframe the anger
* Go easy on your friends
6. Failure--Emotional chest colds become psychological pneumonias
Description:
When we fail repeatedly or when we respond to failures in ways that set back our confidence, our self-esteem, and our chances of future success, we run the risk of allowing our emotional chest cold to turn into psychological pneumonia. Because much of the anxiety associated with failures can build upon itself, it is best to be prudent and apply psychological first aid treatment as soon as possible after meaningful or bothersome failures occur. (p. 189)
Treatments:
* Get support and get real
* Focus on factors in your control
* Take responsibility and own the fear
* Distract yourself from performance pressure distractions
7. Low Self-Esteem--Weak emotional immune systems
Description:
Having low self-esteem weakens our emotional immune systems and inflicts three kinds of psychological wounds: it makes us more vulnerable to psychological injuries, it makes us dismissive of positive feedback and resistant to emotional nutrients, and it makes us feel unassertive and disempowered. (p. 232)
Treatments:
* Adopt self-compassion and silence the critical voices in your head
* Identify your strengths and affirm them
* Increase your tolerance for compliments
* Increase your personal empowerment
* Improve your self-control
Think of this book as first aid for the psyche. And, use as needed until symptoms subside.
30 of 30 people found the following review helpful.
Practical and completely achievable advice for handling emotional injuries
By lortz
I love how this book 1) acknowledges that we need to address our emotional wounds with they happen and 2) uses practical examples and gives tangible step-by-step instructions to help deal with emotional injuries. It's not another book that leaves you with a stack of ways you *should* think and *should* react. Instead, you give it a read to learn the science -- then keep it handy (like a medicine cabinet) for when an injury happens. I've read somewhere around 10 books in this genre and this one by far stands out as the most practical and achievable guide to emotional health.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Like having a kind, sensible friend on your bookshelf!
By P. Maurer
If you enjoyed his funny and insightful TED Talk, you'll deeply appreciate Dr. Winch's book. Written in the same intelligent-yet-accessible style, it's enjoyable to read cover to cover; however, it's also structured to be used--quite literally--as a first-aid handbook, to refer to as the need arises (and none of us is impervious to those bumps and bruises of life).
You're going to be glad you bought this book!
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